The Mocha Diaries #5 - 2013 In A Nutshell

1:16 PM

As with every other year there's always lessons right around the corner that's waiting to be learned. And since the year is about to end I'll dedicate this entry for all the lessons that have gone through my life. If you happen to relate, feel free to share your year-ender realizations as well. Let's start?

Even if I write my New Year's resolutions, I always end up getting disappointed because I never get to accomplish them. I bet you all do. You have this New Year's resolution list ready and by the time you get to the middle of the year you haven't accomplish 1/4th of it. But maybe because we should write more realistic New Year's resolutions. Something we know can do and will do. That's why I learned in January that I should be motivated at least. Or have an inspiration to start with.

Love isn't just right around the corner. Or something I should find. It's always somewhere unexpected. The problem with me is that I get attached too easily. I misinterpret sweet nothings to something that will might last forever. I should not let my guard down so easily and have high hopes without someone there willing to catch me. I'll take care of this heart from now on. 

This was the month of struggle. The month where I thought I'll lose the most important person in my life. The month where my mom had a heart attack. We were a healthy family so this was a big surprise for us. It was my first time crying so hard. I was scared. I was alone with my mom I didn't have someone beside me telling me that it's okay. Both my brother and dad was at work and to think I was on my way to school that day and if I have gone to school, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. It was something I wasn't prepared of. I learned here that if something unexpected happens again I shouldn't panic and try to keep myself as calm as possible and most of all, I should be strong despite of the circumstances

I spent the whole month in Cebu. Here's a thing: I've lived in Cebu for 4 years of my high school life. Living in Manila isn't such a bad thing since I've always loved the city. I missed Cebu, sure. But staying in a place where I'm really familiar with? Isn't such a good idea after all. There wasn't any other surprises anymore. I knew the place like the back of my hand. Next time, I should visit the place for a week at least. It's enough time to meet up with old high school friends and go out to the beach. But for a month? I was tanned the whole month that's for sure. 

    I can't believe I was a sophomore already. It was that fast. A year ago I was struggling to be a new frosh in a whole new city. I don't know anyone else but a few friends who doesn't even go to the same school as me. But now I have met the most FUN-tastic and wonderful people on earth. The people who took care and welcomed the province girl. It's true with what they say, you don't get to meet true friends until your 2nd year in college and your circle of friends gets smaller and smaller until you reach senior year. Because by then, you are a lot wiser and you know who are your real friends are. 

    I was finally a part of something I know I'm good at. This month was full of good news and opportunities. I became part of something big. The SDA Project was one of the blessings in disguise. I was open to new friends and new work mates in school. I finally put my tech skills to use as I design a web page for our organization. It was something I was really proud of. I had a label, I was the Art Director. It was a good start for a resume experience. It was fun meeting new people from different courses that shares the same love for fashion & blogging. 

    Check out now!

    You just can't have everything put into place. I had a lot of wishes this month because I was turning 18. I've always wanted a grand debut something really fancy and dance with the special 18 roses of my life and hopefully save someone special for the last rose. But we lack the budget and I lack that someone special.. So I decided since I am known to be a party girl, I held my debut at a club and celebrated the night with the most special people of my life. I was a bit sad some of them couldn't make it but I thought I should treasure the moment nonetheless. And I tell you, I had the best night of my life. All thanks to the folks who are always there for me and made the whole magical wasted night happen. Thanks Mom & Dad! 

    Here started my love for event organizing. We (as in my best friend and I) were given 3 weeks to plan another party for a close friend of ours. She, too, was turning 18. I loved the feeling of pressure and organizational skills. It challenges me to think for better options and cheaper solutions in life. This month started our dream as event organizers and hopefully a successful business career in the future. I was open and introduced to different people and opportunities. Here, I thought, photography was my future. But it wasn't just that, at all.. I had this as my ticket to success.

    But unfortunately my close friend lost a relative this month and had to cancel her debut in respect for her grandfather. It was sad but it gave me more hope and enlightenment that I wouldn't learn such skills if it weren't for this.

    A month of chance. Our family has struggled because of Dad's work. He was a fickle-minded person, like me. If he finds something odd or something not right in his work. He'll find reasons to resign. Which is why we struggled for countless of months while Dad searched for a decent job. Because sometimes a decent job doesn't mean it pays good, sometimes a decent job means to learn to love your job along with its perks and despite its obstacles. This month was Dad's month. He finally found one thing he thought he would never get again. He had a second chance abroad. I learned that prayer doesn't get you anything but it will take you to something. If God said No, it doesn't mean rejection, it means that it's a redirection. Redirection to something good and something worth it. 

    A month where I thought I could finally get through a halloween night-out with my friends. But it's always the same. I was at home watching dramas and eating my heart out while everyone's having a grand time wearing halloween outfits to events and parties.

    I mean, partying is part of my nature. I just feel bad about not living my life outside the comforts of my home. I learned one important thing this month: It's to get my butt out and not be afraid of trying. 

    A month of pressure. It was all finals and debut planning. And all of the sudden I started to hit the gym again and lose off the weight before New Years. I finally have the motivation I've always searched about. I finally started to think for myself and for the choices I make (health-wise). I stopped eating carbs, fast foods, carbonated drinks, bad fat meals, sweets, and anything that could harm my diet.

    This time its different. It's mind over matter. I think of the circumstances if I haven't started sooner or who I'll be in the future. It may almost be the end of the year but I don't need a new year to change myself. The only thing I should fight off is the people who says I can't do it and I'll just give up easily again. I'll finish this, no matter what.
    Sometimes I feel like giving up, then I remember I have a lot of motherfuckers to prove wrong. 

    December is a blessing. It made me realize that hard work does pay off well. I successfully planned out an entire event, accomplish all my plates due the week after and still have good grades. I was under pressure this month.

    I helped out my best friend's debut along with my other close friend, reunited with two grade school classmates, late night conversations, staying up late until 3am and waking up rushing to the other room. It happened so fast and yet it was definitely worth remembering.

    I just realized at that moment that it's so funny how this is not grade school anymore where you can just write out your feelings to someone on paper and just let them know by passing it around and let them answer by encircling out their choice. It's funny how it's not that simple anymore. Because maybe we're a lot wiser now and we tend to think about our choices. We think about the circumstances we have to face. It's funny how I can't tell someone that I miss them without them thinking you have certain feelings for them.

    I had my regrets, yes. If I had the chance? I'd trade all my tomorrows for a single yesterday. I'd repeat everything all over again just to start over and clean up the mess I made. But that's not how life is about. It's about making mistakes and learning how to move on from them. 

    You may not end up where you thought you'd be, but you'll end up right where you're meant to be. 

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    All photos in this blog are from © Monica Chavez unless stated otherwise. Please do not steal them & use without permission. Comments & Suggestions are welcomed.